Its as true today as it was 2,500 years ago.   A notable feature about us humans is that we have a tough time learning from our mistakes.  Societies never learn.  The mainstream anti-bullying movement is more adamant than ever about instituting stricter laws and harsher punishments for those accused of bullying.

America is already being crushed under the weight of its laws.  We have more laws on the books than any other country on planet earth – in all of history. How’s that workin’ out for us?

The United States jails more of its own citizens than does Russia, China or even Rowanda. More than any other nation in the world.  (Here’s the comparison chart ).  Its horrific.

There are laws that prohibit virtually every aspect of our behavior, laws that limit the rights we’ve been afforded under the Constitution, even laws that try to restrict our thoughts.  Does all of this authoritarian oversight make Americans “superior”?

No.

Yet there are people who stand in the center of this insanity and claim what we really need is more of the same.  Its like an alcoholic claiming he can drink himself sober.

Back to bullying. It can be a very serious problem.  It needs to be addressed.  One might be tempted to follow with the vague call to action , ‘there ought to be a law’….  Not surprisingly, there are laws.  Lots of them.  Almost every state has anti-bullying laws on the books.  Some of them are extremely comprehensive and far reaching.  Have they done any good?  Or has the situation gotten worse?

Tell me if this pattern sounds familiar.  A heartbreaking story of vicious torment and abuse hits the headlines, an outcry goes up, more policies are enacted, additional laws are passed… and the headlines feature more tragic bullying stories.

Right now, Washington DC is considering the merits of  the Bullying and Intimidation Prevention Act, which seeks to define harassment, intimidation and bullying as

“any gesture or written, verbal or physical act, including electronic communication, that is reasonably perceived as being motivated either by any actual or perceived characteristic, such as race, color, religion, ancestry, national origin, sexual orientation, gender identity and expression, or a mental, physical or sensory handicap, or by any other distinguishing characteristic.”

Have YOU ever dared identified anyone by one of their identifying characteristics?  Like “the fat guy” or “the Mexican” or “that nerdy chick”.   Perhaps there was no malice intended.  Now imagine there are armed officers at your door, anxious to haul you away.  And they are willing to use lethal force- because ultimately, that is the power the State.  Do you think that having the State confiscate your money (fines), press you into forced labor (“community service”), mandating you attend re-education camps (“sensitivity classes”) or deprive you of your freedom by throwing you in a cage will make you a better, more virtuous person?

But we need stricter laws and harsher punishments.  Here’s another truth that societies never learn: The problem with inventing with an ultimate weapon is that it might be used on you

Bullying encompasses a wide spectrum of behaviors from slightly annoying to unspeakably savage.  From teasing and name-calling to physical /psychological  torture that drives some to suicide.  In some instances, bullies target the families of their dead victims.

Yes, there are some very bad people out there. And lots of normal people who are occasionally thoughtless or cruel.  Everyone needs to be held accountable.  Anyone who causes harm to another, recklessly or intentionally, who steals or defrauds or injures through intimidation or violence must be penalized.  Let’s also recognize that emotional fervor and hast never produce good legislation.

###

Is your child being bullied?  Get the Total Bully Solution and put a stop to the problem in two weeks or less.  Practical, effective strategies any child can use to stop bullying permanently.

A recent study put that theory to the test. (“Bullying and Empathy: A Short-Term Longitudinal Investigation” Stavrinides, P., Georgiou, S., Theofanous, V., Educational Psychology, Vol. 30 (7), December 2010, 793-802)

Investigators studied 205 sixth-graders and discovered that the old saying is true- but doesn’t tell the entire story.  “Empathy” was broken into two catagories: “affective” empathy which refers to a person’s skill at experiencing others’ feelings as though they were their own and “cognitive” empathy defined as the facility to understand how another person feels but not necessarily feel that yourself.  Not surprisingly, bullies had normal cognitive empathy but scored low with affective empathy.

In other words, bullies fully and objectively understand how their victims feel… it just doesn’t bother them.

The researchers wrapped up their paper with the whiz-bang call to action for emotional education programs in schools as a means of reducing aggression and social cruelty.

Like GI Joe used to say, “… And knowing is half the battle!”

Cooper, in partnership with University of California sociologist Dr. Robert Faris, will reveal the outcome of a groundbreaking new study on bullying, and discuss the implications of how this complex problem can be stopped.

“Too many kids have died already; too many kids are living in fear. At AC360 we decided to look into the problem by sponsoring an extensive study of bullying in one school to better understand the dynamics “said Cooper “what we learned by focusing on one school was eye opening. The problem of bullying is far more complex than it is often portrayed, and while there are no easy solutions, we’ve learned some things that lead me to believe that with enough attention, we can make life better for kids”

***

Anderson Cooper seems like a genuinely good guy.  He often steps outside his role as a journalist in order to make a positive impact where he can. Sincere as he is, he’s also got a job  to do, and isn’t above a little pandering- his bullying town hall meetings will also feature “The Best Mother in the World” Kelly Ripa,  media whore Dr. Phil, and a several politicians out to make easy points by demagogueing an emotionally charged situation.

I like Anderson, and am looking forward to his series.

A surprising array of stars, who are now wealthy, beautiful, popular, and admired, were once picked-on, shunned and bullied!

Here’s a partial list of celebrities who were bullied in school:

• Emma Watson
• Robert Pattinson
• Sandra Bullock
• Tom Cruise
• Howard Stern
• Prince Harry Windsor
• Miley Cyrus
• Michael Phelps
• Tiger Woods
• Kristen Stewart
• Christian Bale
• Lady Gaga

Bullying doesn’t have to stop a kid from reaching their fullest potential.  There are proven ways to stop bullying- you just need the right information and the commitment to take action.  Don’t just wait around and hope “It Gets Better”.  Make it better, starting today.

At 8, Mitchell Wilson’s mother died of cancer.  The following year, he was diagnosed with muscular dystrophy, an incurable, degenerative  disease that ravages muscles, leaving its victims paralyzed. Not long after, predatory bullies picked him up on their radar.

While out for a walk this past November, he was attacked by a 12-year old from his elementary school.  The older boy took Mitchell’s Ipod, then smashed his face into the pavement hard enough to bust several teeth.

“He was never the same after the mugging,” said Mitchell’s father, Craig Wilson, who found his son’s lifeless body on Sept. 6 — a plastic bag tied around the young boy’s head — when he went to wake him up for what would have been his first day of Grade 6. “Ultimately it shattered his life.”

Although the older boy was arrested, charged with assault, and removed from Westcreek  Public School, his friends remained … and began a vicious campaign of harassment, including following him after school to threaten and taunt him about his slow walk.

Mitchell began a rapid downward spiral into depression, suffering from panic attacks and emotional outbursts.  According to his father and stepmother, attempts at psychiatric therapy  didn’t take.  As summer ran its course, their child’s condition worsened.  He announced that he’d rather kill himself than go back to school….

Hours before he took his life, Mitchell was served a subpoena to appear in court to testify against the boy he was terrified of- his attacker. (Now, since Mitchell wont be in court to testify, the case against his assailant will likely be dropped).

***

It doesn’t get any more heart-wrenching than this. My deepest most sincere condolences go out to Mitchell’s family and loved ones.

~Adam

Have you had some cookouts?  Have you gotten to the beach, or splashed around in a pool or at least done a running belly-dive on a Slip N Slide?  Have you played Frisbee in the park? Gone for a long bike ride in the cool of the evening?  Gone to any festivals or fairs?  Rode any roller-coasters?

How are the kids?  Are you helping them make the most out of their time off from school?  In addition to having fun, and goofing off as much as possible, summer break is an opportunity to … *ack!* … learn or accomplish something.  Not that you’d ever want to suggest that overtly.

***

Do you remember coming back to school after summer break and catching up with everyone? Most kids had a few stories to tell… some kids were the story.

I remember a kid – a fat kid – named Robert.  On the first day of 8th grade, everyone was utterly shocked to see that Robert wasn’t fat anymore!  His parents had sent him away to a hardcore weight loss camp and he dropped a ton of weight.  It was amazing.

Then there was John, who’d been a second string athlete; he went to wrestling camp over the summer and became a champion that year.

Cindy and her family spent a month in Europe.  She came back with an air of sophistication and an amusing English accent that lasted until Thanksgiving.

***

In a few short weeks, summer will be winding down.  For some children (perhaps your own), that triggers pangs of anxiety.  Who wouldn’t be miserable at the prospect of being bullied, harassed, intimidated and ostracized?  And if they were having any of those problems last year, its a sure bet that they’ll be facing the same thing- or worse.  As a noted psychologist once said, “if nothing changes, things stay the same”.

Is your son or daughter dreading the first day of school? Wouldn’t it be great if they could walk through those big doors with their head high, smiling, and brimming with authentic confidence?

New clothes, a different haircut, even a foreign accent are fun for a while, but are meaningless over the long haul.  Genuine change comes from within – and it all starts with a simple decision, followed by action.

If you can find just 20 minutes a day, you can permanently bully-proof your child in two weeks or less.

Please.  While the days are still long and the sun is riding high across the sky, play catch, go to a concert, have a picnic and work on your tan.  And consider investing a little time in making this the most pivotally important summer of your child’s life.

####

Tony Robbins advises his students to never leave the site of a decision without taking some small action towards its attainment.  Just click the link and I’ll see you on the other side.

Be Excellent!

Wrong.

Aggressive, predatory kids don’t vanish when the last bell sounds.  If anything, less structure and supervision gives certain children the freedom to indulge their vicious tendencies.

Your son or daughter is going to encounter the same (or same kind) of  kids   that gave problems all year long.  Now they’re going to be at camp, at the pool, in the park, at the mall, on the street-corner.  And your child wont even have the illusion of protection offered by anti-bullying policies and laws.

Right now would be the ideal time to prepare your child to deal with bullies once and for all.  That doesn’t necessarily mean intensive training in mixed martial arts (although learning how to ward off an attacker is something everyone should know).  Kids should learn how to recognize and avoid trouble and those who cause it, they should know how stay calm in stressful situations, how to project authentic confidence, and when bullying isn’t bullying after all.

Empower your child to take care of themselves and make this the best summer of their lives.

The mother of a 4 year-old girl is frustrated and furious because her daughter has been repeatedly injured in a daily riot on the girls bus… and neither the school or the bus company are willing to help.

The girl has frequently come home with bruises, cuts and scrapes, and has had her glasses broken on two occasions.  Ms. Edwards, the mother, has complained several times.  When contacted by reporters, a spokesman for the Milwaukee Public Schools said that the  one incident they were aware of had been investigated and resolved (they actually found the 4 year old was to blame), and that no more problems had been reported by other parents or the bus driver.

That’s very much at odds with what a film crew discovered when they tailed the bus for two days.  Cameras show books and shoes being thrown around,  kids climbing over seats and  running around, shoving, and fistfights.

***

Shame on Frances Starms Early Childhood Center, the bus company, and the Milwaukee Public Schools.

MTV’S show If You Really Knew Me has done more to stop bullying, heal hearts, foster empathy and promote peace in schools than all of the anti-bullying legislation combined.
More schools should get on-board with this

More than ever, there seems to be an increase in the number of news stories about kids bullying each other- sometimes to the point of suicide. What isn’t reported are the ways to stop peer cruelty. The first step to stopping bullying is to recognize the signs in your child that may indicate whether they are being bullied or not. Some important signs to look for are; does your child seem anxious, scared, come home with bruises or destroyed personal articles? Do they seem to have sleeping disturbances, physical ailments such as stomach aches in the morning, or do they lose interest in normal activities? If you answered yes to any of these, there’s a chance your child may be the target of a bully.

Putting a stop to bullying requires an inter-disciplinary approach because “one size fits all” answers seldom work.  The first fundamental step to take is adopting a new attitude. If  a person defines themselves as a “victim”, they will give off a victim vibe- and will actually attract abusers!

Some people incorrectly believe that if you “ignore” the bully, they will magically disappear. However, this well intentioned advice is terrible!  First of all, its impossible and even dangerous to try to “ignore” aggression.  Second, it makes the child being bullied feel that you aren’t supporting them.  Bullies are pretty good at figuring out the best kids to target, and figuring out what gets to them. Normally the sensitive, passive, and timid type of person is the most common ‘mark’ for bullies because they are unlikely to retaliate. Bystanders are reluctant to step in and help the ‘mark’ for fear that they themselves will become the next target.

Two of the things that does work are showing confidence and standing up for yourself. These are learned skills. In a child that endures daily taunting and teasing, it may take them a while to build up enough moxie  to be able to stand up to a bully. One way to help your child to build up their confidence at home through role-playing scenarios.

Talk to your child. Realize at first they may even deny they are being bullied out of shame or fear that tattling will bring retaliation. Let them know that you stand behind them and that you understand what they are going through and are there to help.  Be patient, listen calmly and without judgment; let him or her vent.  Some  gentle questioning and encouragement will go a  long way towards helping them open up. Help them to understand its not their fault, and work with them on how to deal with bullies on their own.

If they’re in over their head, you’ve got to step up and intervene.