Meditation: A Child’s Secret Weapon Against Bullies Part IV

This is the final installment of a four part series on teaching children how to meditate.

Trouble-Shooting, Q&A

* Wandering Mind-
That happens to everyone. It’s part of the practice. When your mind wanders,you can re-focus on your breathing or think of a trigger word to center yourself. (Tranquility. Peace. Gratitude. Joy.)

* Anxiety-
This can happen, too. Being alone inside your mind with no distractions can be an intense- even scary- experience. If you’re experiencing mild anxiety, shorten your next sitting and work through it. If mindfulness meditation is triggering panic attacks for your child, this mode of practice isn’t for them. They’ll get more out of some kind of moving meditation

* “I can’t (my child can’t) kneel like that”
If there’s some kind of legitimate physical limitation, you certainly can sit in a straight backed chair. You can also sit with a small cushion between your calf muscles and buttocks to relieve the compression in the knees.

* “This is uncomfortable. It hurts.”
Correct! That’s all part of it. Remember, we aren’t trying to ‘transcend’ anything – we are seeking to experience things fully and at the same time, remain de-attached. You’ll become aware of your mind as its working – for example, “hm. My legs hurt. Hm. That was a thought.” People in their 60′s, 70′s and beyond hold seiza for periods of up to 45 minutes. They’re all primates, just like you. Suck it up.

* “It’s never quiet enough around here”
Unless you’re going to sit on the moon, there’s going to be some ambient noise. Maybe a plane passing overhead, or a droplet of water falling from the kitchen faucet. The trick is not to resist. Acknowledge, accept, and freely let it pass. (Silicone ear-plugs are a cheap and easy quick fix).

* “Can’t I do this laying down?”
Short answer- No. You’ll wind up falling asleep. (I’m all in favor of naps, but this isn’t that)

* “Am I doing this right?”
A more productive question might be, “Am I doing this well?”. There’s no one right way. The import thing: work the basic concepts, and be consistent. As you meditate, you’ll begin to see that just as you don’t “need” to scratch your nose the second it itches, or speak when a thought pops into your head. Soon, you’ll see some cool things start happening in your life. You won’t “need” to eat that slab of cake just because you want to. You won’t “need” to contradict someone if you feel they’re wrong. You won’t “need” to act-out when you get angry.

To paraphrase Viktor Frankl, you’ll understand that between stimulus and response, there’s a tiny pause, and in that space is your ability to choose. That choice is your freedom.

How Does Any Of This Help A Kid Deal With Bullies?

No matter what kind of situation you find yourself, there’s one variable that you can control. You.
Imagine a kid who’s being taunted, or insulted or intimidated. Instead of reacting with fear or anger or sadness, they are calm. They don’t allow anyone to push their buttons, because they are in full possession of themselves. That child now can make a rational evaluation about what to do. If the mindful child determine the instigators are just making a lot of noise, they can choose not to be bothered, thus removing the bullies prime reward.
If they actually have to defend themselves, they’ll be far more effective because they’ll have a clear head, and will be 100% committed to the fight.

Any way you look at it, its a win.

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Someone once asked me if they should meditate. “What do you get out of it?” I responded, “What you put in”.

PLEASE put this information to use. It WILL help your child stop bullies- and will improve their lives in ways you’d ever imagine.